Shameless In The Rain

May 14, 2010 • Categories: Shameless • by Andy Green

“Shameless” chronicles the ongoing shenanigans of a moral free paparazzo named Thud.What you are about to read MIGHT be true…but probably isnt!

On a tip that a pop star with a big name and a big reputation was gonna be in London, I felt like it might be time to pay Britain a visit. The celebrity in question was sure to be out and about, and pics of her shopping in london could easily pay for the trip 4 times over! On an extremely busy, and classy London street I located a campsite of fellow paparazzi. It was extremely rainy outside. While setting up and rain-guarding my equipment I glanced over and noticed a good British buddy of mine! I nicknamed him The British Bulldog, because he has very droopy jowls! He informed me that my girl was inside the restaurant that had us all encased in its’ shadow. We saw the moving silhouette of  a massive entourage making it’s way toward the entrance.

Smack dab in the center of a group of care-takers was my starlet. She had an umbrella over her head, and it was ruining my shot! I took matters into my own hands! Amidst the chaos,  I quickly smacked the umbrella out of her hand. A star looking bad is worth alot more than one who looks good!

Her wet hair, frown and running make-up made for a nice payday. Yup, Shameless!

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Shameless Confession

May 2, 2010 • Categories: Shameless • by Andy Green

“Shameless” chronicles the ongoing shenanigans of a moral-free paparazzo named Thud. What you are about to read MIGHT be true, but probably isn’t!

My friends often ask me if I ever get a cold chill down my spine from being in a profession that pretty much risks the lives of some of the planet’s most beloved individuals. The answer is a resounding “NO!”

All of my life I have admired the bad guy. Scarface, Tommy from “Goodfellas,” Dr. Evil. They are all characters that I felt as though I truly related to. So, when people ask me that question, I usually answer with a quote from “Star Wars.”  I do as the emperor tells me…and I “embrace the hate!”  Oddly enough, that is also the pick up line I use when trying to a attain a girls phone number!

The truth is- I enjoy the terrible dirtiness my profession serves up on a steamin’ plate of money every single week! I’ve been doing it for so long now, celebrities don’t even strike me as people anymore! All I see when I look at them is a dollar amount. Nothin’ strips away a person’s humanity quicker than a bunch of zeros on a check! It gives me a warm, fuzzy feelin every time! Being a paparazzo is the very definition of what I am…Shameless!

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Shameless Act of Baby-Scaring!

April 24, 2010 • Categories: Shameless • by Andy Green

…Shameless chronicles the ongoing shenanigans of a moral free paparazzo named Thud. What you are about to read MIGHT be true…but probably isn’t!!

My good buddy- the mysterious Blade sent me a text explaining that he was en route to a large high end shopping area to catch a glimpse of an extremely hot hollywood starlet’s brand new baby. You learn fast in the hemisphere of the paparazzo, that babies equal big money! I shoved the rest of my burrito in my face, and was on my way!

After parking my car, I made my way to a street lined with high end boutiques. I scanned the scenery and amidst the pretty rich people and their pretty little rich dogs, I saw a lump of pap that stuck out like a sore thumb among the beautiful. It was Blade! He was wearing a T-shirt that said “If you can read this…MAKE ME A SANDWICH!” I complimented his fo-hawk and asked him the skinny on the baby. He told me that she just walked into the boutique right behind us, and that absolutely nobody but us knew they were in there!

The beatiful new mom brought her sleeping baby out of the shop in her arms. Her assistants were right behind her, and were carrying her bags. Before her assistants could walk out Blade slammed the door in their face making them drop all of the bags! Now seperated from her entourage the starlet turned around gently to see what was going on, just hoping that her baby didn’t wake up. So much for that plan, Blade started asking her questions about the baby extremely loud, and woke him up! Blade and I got in close for a good 25 seconds before she reconnected with her group. The baby was screaming and terrified for most of it, but both Blade and I managed to snap some really cute photos of him waking up. Yes I understand that all the lights and yelling probably scarred that kid for life, but you need to understand that I’m shameless!

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Jennifer Garner Can’t Even Escape Getting Her Nails Done

April 21, 2010 • Categories: Uncategorized • by Benjamin Lehrer

Will it ever end!  Just look at the paparazzi not even letting Jennifer Garner leave from getting a mani-pedi.  Sometimes the paps are so ridiculous that there is nothing to say.  Leave her be paparazzi scum!

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Shameless Impersonation Of A Prostitute Pt.2

April 19, 2010 • Categories: Shameless • by Andy Green

…Shameless chronicles the ongoing shenanigans of a moral-free paparazzo named Thud!

The mission at hand was clear. I being a large fat man, would obviously stick out in a crowd of sexy high end hookers. My only option, was to go as the madam. I created the flamboyant lady-pimp persona, Madam Ursula. I was clad in sequins, and I had a huge bouffant wig. As I stuffed my last fat foot into a really uncomfortable pair of heels, I grabbed my keys, threw on a giant pink feather boa, and made my way to the party.

When I arrived, my two inside hookers were waiting for me. I had one on each arm, and we made our entrance into the lavish, over the top party.

The debauchery taking place inside this party made the Playboy mansion look like Space Camp. Naked women everywhere, I thought I had been transported back in time to ancient Rome…you know, the bad part right before things got wacky, and the empire crumbled!

I was starting to get worried, as I couldn’t seem to find my director. I figured it might be time to use the ladies room. One of the main reasons I hate wearing drag, is that a dress takes a simple pee to the level of full blown production. I’m in the stall rustlin’ around, tryin to lift my dress up, when I hear what sounds like two people in another stall giggling softly. Then I heard a strong “sniff” sound. Then I heard a sound that was music to my ears, it was a mans voice on top of the woman’s voice in the stall! Since, there were no other men at the party, I knew it was my guy!!!

I calmly finished urinating, took a deep breath, and gently pulled my camera out of my purse. I ever so gently opened the door on my stall. I placed my large body in front of the locked stall with my director inside, and mule kicked the door open with my heel clad size 11! The door being kicked open shocked the pair, and when the white powder in the air cleared, I saw a naked woman strattling my director…and they were both covered in a substance that I’m pretty sure wasn’t baking powder! I got a great photo, and bolted towards the door. Yes the director has kids, and I could have nonchalantly given the photos to his wife, and let her handle this terrible situation discreetly, and with dignity…but theres no fun in that when you’re shameless!!!

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