…Shameless chronicles the ongoing shenanigans of a moral-free paparazzo named Thud!
The mission at hand was clear. I being a large fat man, would obviously stick out in a crowd of sexy high end hookers. My only option, was to go as the madam. I created the flamboyant lady-pimp persona, Madam Ursula. I was clad in sequins, and I had a huge bouffant wig. As I stuffed my last fat foot into a really uncomfortable pair of heels, I grabbed my keys, threw on a giant pink feather boa, and made my way to the party.
When I arrived, my two inside hookers were waiting for me. I had one on each arm, and we made our entrance into the lavish, over the top party.
The debauchery taking place inside this party made the Playboy mansion look like Space Camp. Naked women everywhere, I thought I had been transported back in time to ancient Rome…you know, the bad part right before things got wacky, and the empire crumbled!
I was starting to get worried, as I couldn’t seem to find my director. I figured it might be time to use the ladies room. One of the main reasons I hate wearing drag, is that a dress takes a simple pee to the level of full blown production. I’m in the stall rustlin’ around, tryin to lift my dress up, when I hear what sounds like two people in another stall giggling softly. Then I heard a strong “sniff” sound. Then I heard a sound that was music to my ears, it was a mans voice on top of the woman’s voice in the stall! Since, there were no other men at the party, I knew it was my guy!!!
I calmly finished urinating, took a deep breath, and gently pulled my camera out of my purse. I ever so gently opened the door on my stall. I placed my large body in front of the locked stall with my director inside, and mule kicked the door open with my heel clad size 11! The door being kicked open shocked the pair, and when the white powder in the air cleared, I saw a naked woman strattling my director…and they were both covered in a substance that I’m pretty sure wasn’t baking powder! I got a great photo, and bolted towards the door. Yes the director has kids, and I could have nonchalantly given the photos to his wife, and let her handle this terrible situation discreetly, and with dignity…but theres no fun in that when you’re shameless!!!
